Tuesday, February 16, 2016

The Jungle Cruise Land Cruise

So the World Famous Jungle Cruise is currently under refurbishment, and for the next few months, Disneyland is offering a suitable substitute: the Jungle Cruise Land Cruise.  It's just like the Jungle Cruise but with 100% less water!  And what that really means is that each day, once every couple of hours during daytime hours, some Jungle Cruise skippers will give a rendition of the Jungle Cruise experience right outside the station to anyone who cares to watch.

I happen to be a big fan and think this is absurdly hilarious and entertaining, so lets take a look at what this Land Cruise entails!

Welcome to the World Famous Jungle Cruise!  It's currently under a bit of refurbishment.
However, skippers are offering a land cruise during the daytime to still provide that JC fix!
The work walls are plastered with Jungle Cruise concept art and renderings.
This skipper was showing off his fish, so I took a picture of it.
Time to begin the cruise.  Everyone's safely secure? Then we are on our way!!


We first enter the ancient Cambodian shrine, built by ancient Cambodian shriners, where we encounter a 500 lb Bengal tiger! This tiger can jump up to 25 feet, but since the audience is only 15 feet away, the tiger will jump right over.
Next is the Indian elephant bathing pool.  It looks like everyone has their trunks on!
And there's Big Bertha, underneath that waterfall still.  She's been in their a long time.  You can tell by the wrinkles.
Next is the camp, and it looks like gorillas have invaded the place!  They've totally gone ape and can't stop monkeying around.  I wonder if they left the lights on the jeep?
Then, our skipper takes a moment to point out the various plantlife in the jungle.
There's one.
There's one too.
We then come upon Schweitzer Falls, named after that famous African explorer, Dr. Albert Falls!
Splish splash goes that cascade!
Oh, look, folks, it's the second most feared animal in the jungle, the African bull elephant!
And here's the first most feared animal in the jungle, his mother-in-law!
Then we come upon the African veldt, and ohhhh, that lion is protecting that sleeping zebra!  That guy looks dead tired. We should let him rest in pieces.  --I mean peace!  Rest in peace.
Around the corner is the Lost Safari.  You know, they look like they're having a local uprising with the native wildlife, and I think that rhino will get his point across.  In the end.
Into the hippopotamus pool.  Watch out!  This one is charging the boat!  Fortunately, the skipper only takes cash.
Into headhunter territory, and oh no, it's an ambush!!! (And other dangerous shrubbery.)
And then the moment you've been waiting for... THE BACKSIDE OF WATER!!!!
Drippity drip drip drip!! Oooooohhh!!! O2H!! O2H!!
Finally, we come upon Trader Sam and his pet elephant, Ellie.  Trader Sam has a deal for you... two of his heads for one of yours.  Anyway you slice it, you come out a head!
And that's been the Land Cruise at the Jungle Cruise!  If you've enjoyed the tour, my name is Albert.  And if you didn't, my name is Kelly and doesn't matter!

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